Queers who discuss and speculate about an individual's gender/orientation without that individual being present is just as if not more marginalizing than a cis het people doing the same thing. It's not supportive, it's not celebratory, it's just shitty.

Gender exploration is a very important and scary process and the fact that the cis het people in my life talked about me and my journey while I was early in my transition and not present for those conversations make me feel like shit to this day, and now that I know that queers do it waaaaay more than cis het people makes me feel even worse.

Support people early in their gender /orientation journey. Don't talk about them behind their backs and don't think you know more about them than they do.

I really shouldn't have to say this.